Wilbert and Wontbert
About 'Wilbert & Wontbert' What did one decapitated head say to the other? -Nothing...It's a decapitated head. However, for Wilbert and Wontbert it's something different. These heads are decapitated, but live on as normally as they can. Nobody can truly describe how this works, not even Wilbert or Wontbert and even if they could explain it, it would be painfully impossible to listen to as Wilbert tells the truth and Wontbert lies. They both interrupt eachother constantly and spend their bodyless days arguing and bugging the visitors that come to see them. Wilbert is the head on the left. Nobody truly knows who is who. This leaves Wontbert, the head on the right who is the most manipulative liar The Mansion has ever seen. The reason nobody knows which head is which is because Wontbert explains and persuades people that he is Wilbert - where Wilbert actually is telling the truth yet people don't believe him, this causes brutal arguments between the two. Wilbert snaps every time Wontbert tells somebody this lie. "No! I am Wilbert, Wontbert is the other one," and Wontbert will twist the argument by saying the exact same thing Wilbert said and then pretending to be angry, whereas Wilbert is genuinely angry, Wontbert is just having fun. Wilbert and Wontbert have particular reasons for joining The Mansion, reasons such as living comfortably in a protected environment and simply being accepted as a 'normal'. Beyond this though, Wilbert will do anything you want him to. He has to do it, and he will do it. Wontbert however, won't do something that you ask and with that, he will lie about not doing it saying, "I will definitely do this, but don't ask Wontbert over there. He doesn't do anything!" in which Wilbert replies, "It's him that won't do anything! I'm Wilbert, I will do it!" This goes on and on. At the end of the petty arguing - nothing gets done. People give up trying and it's all Wontbert's fault. Wilbert will get really annoyed with Wontbert from time to time as Wontbert doesn't ever stop scheming and messing things up for them both. Last week, we had this joint statement from them both: Wilbert "Sometimes, I feel like we're more of a joke than a miracle. I mean, two human heads surviving on their own? That's an amazing thing, it really is. But, fucking Wontbert keeps screwing it up. We get so many visitors coming to talk to us, some are famous, some are models. I'm talking big-breasted Models that found us cute. Then, Wontbert will mess it up by making up lies and telling them not to talk to me because I'm the lying one. I'm not! And furthermore, after we've shouted and spat at eachother we realise we're alone and our visitors have left us once again. I can't do it anymore. I don't feel like the correct message is being sent out to the people. We're the laughing stock of The Mansion and it's just embarrassing." Wontbert (Wontbert didn't give a statement - as he won't. But we did go to The Bodyless Room for a short interview.) "He said that? Huh, no. We never argue. Wilbert and I are really good friends and have been since we discovered that we share the same issue of having no body. We get visitors a lot from all over the World wanting to chat and to take photographs with us in them. It's neat! I mean, I have no idea why Wilbert would say something like that in his statement? *laughs* Sometimes, even I forget which one is the liar! Realistically, as of late we haven't been getting on so well because of the Model visitors we had. I think he gets a little irritated not being able to..you-know..but that's just a guess anyway. For the record, I want this to go down permanently: Wilbert told me he was going to tell the truth in his statement. He lied." The statements presented had us feeling largely confused. If we did speak to the actual Wontbert who said Wilbert lied in his statement, this means that we actually spoke to Wontbert first as the statement given by the apparent Wontbert said, "Wilbert told me he was going to tell the truth in his statement. He lied." as Wilbert can't lie, so it must have been Wontbert first? But, Wontbert spoke about Wilbert in his statement meaning it can only make sense that we did interview the right head. Deciding which head is which has become too annoying for the people at The Mansion and Wilbert and Wontbert have definitely become a laughing stock. Later that day, Mike took Wilbert to Head Office. Wilbert said, "You idiots. You interviewed Wontbert twice. When you spoke to who you thought was me, it wasn't. And when he finished the first statement he had Scran take him back to The Bodyless Room where Wontbert then acted as himself giving a completely false statement. He was actually spot on with my statement. He clearly told the truth when he acted as me. This had Head Office mildly annoyed. Wilbert the truth teller said, "He clearly told the truth when he acted as me," but Wontbert can't tell the truth... Did we just speak to Wilbert or Wontbert? Nobody cares anymore - it's too much to handle. Wilbert and Wontbert remain in The Bodyless Room, arguing and bickering all the time over complete nonsense. A special event is coming up for them both in which we're considering a transplant to put the two heads on a body of their own. Maybe it's a bad idea, maybe it's more funny to leave them as bickering heads.